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DH3 #1395 – Help’s Centurion* Ascension

December 11, 2019 @ 7:00 pm

Maybe you’ve heard this one before – on a cold winter’s night, three Wisemen arrived at a barn, bearing gifts for a new born babe. Wait – did I say Wisemen? I meant Wise Asses. A throuple of Wise Asses came upon a bar, each with a gift for the newly confirmed Hasher. The first brought the gift of song, while the second brought the gift of sex. Finally, the third brought the gift of sin.

If that sounds to be a tale worthy of celebration, we pray you’ll cum out this Wednesday to witness the ascension of the Stoner Sage, Bethel(hem)’s beermeister, our own personal Jesus, the (thankfully) incomparable: Help Get It Up. That’s right, Help is turning 100*, and to celebrate, he’s popping two virgin cherries. Rumor has it that he may even be leaving a gift or two from his stash for you to find on trail.

So break out your hymnal and prepare your Act of Contrition – if you finish Wednesday’s trail without having confessed your sins and sung for forgiveness, it’s your own fault. Rest assured, you’ll have plenty of chances to recoup your transgressions along the way. Channel Mother Mary and bring virgins, or Mary Magdalene and bring whores. (Minor) urban shiggy means you probably won’t leave with a crown of thorns. With my hand on the Hashy Beerble, I promise you can put your faith in these virgin Hares.

Hash Cash: $6

On-Out: Fifth Street Brew Pub (encouraged to pre-lube there)
1600 E 5th St, Dayton, OH 45403


Hares: Help Get It Up, Catnip, Cougar Cooter Sticker

Trail: A to A runner (3.2 miles) and walker trails (2.3 miles, or less using shortcut)

Shig level: 1.69

Circle and Icing: Gimp’s Backyard
140 Jones Street, Dayton OH 45410


$6 hash cash,
Cranium lamp or Flashlight + Visibility Gear
Cell Phone Camera
Layers for outdoor circle
Treats for the street cats
Gifts for the Hares, especially the Centurion* (he likes beer)

On-After: Fifth Street BrewPub
1600 E 5th St, Dayton, OH 45403


You are encouraged to carpool from the Brewpub to Gimp’s house and back if you intend to return to Fifth Street for the On-After. Parking at both locations is unpredictable, so you may need to get creative.

Questions, lost, confused, or in need of holy intervention? Contact Help at 937-344-2589, Catnip at 614-551-8057, or Cooter at 937-216-7079

Dayton Shiggy Scale:

1 – Wheelchair and Stroller Friendly
2 – Light Adventure
3 – Shiggilicious
4 – Time for Last Rites

Reminder: DH3 does not allow dogs on trail.

*this is technically only Help’s 99th Dayton trail, but we never let technicalities get in the way of a good story.


December 11, 2019
7:00 pm


Fifth Street Brewpub
1600 E. Fifth St.
Dayton, OH 45403 United States
+ Google Map